Have I told you that I've been more than two weeks in UAE for training? I've been through three different training modules, one technical, one sales training, and one project management training. As always, at the end of each module, we have to pass a certain test. Well, usually a multiple choice, so I guess it's fine. My first and second tests were great, I got great marks, and what's greater than that, is that I worked on it by myself!
Today, I'm really really disappointed with myself. Ashamed. Feeling disgraced. Because of one simple thing (or perhaps a thing that may be simple for other people). On the third test today, I ask my friend the answer for one question. One. Not because I didn't know the answer. I knew. But I was confused between two options. The question itself was quite tricky, though. Anyway, I asked him (most likely to confirm my own thought) and he gave me the answer. Yes it matched with my own idea. And a correct answer too. So I got a perfect 100 score! Did that make me happy? Unfortunately, NO.
I felt really really disappointed with myself. Because I didn't trust my own thought. Because I didn't make use of my own capability. Because I cheated. Because I was not being honest. Because I did something which I told my husband not to do (and he did as I said). So I was feeling really really disgraced. I know it's just one question. And I have exactly the same answer in mind too. So why didn't I use my own idea? It's like breaking my own principle. For some people, it might not be a big deal. But it is for me.

Today I arrived late to office because I have to pick up car ownership book (BPKB) in Samsat Ciputat. Then I stayed sitting at my "comfortable" seat on the bus, keep reading Botchan and listening to radio from my (rather) brand new E71, ignoring the (kinda) old lady standing not too far from me. Then on the minibus, (wanting to) giving a seat to an old lady, which she refused because she's not a passanger of the bus, but trying to earn money from playing a music instrument. Arrived at the office at 10am, then went down an hour later because of the fire drill, which then direct me straight out to buy lunch. Then I fell asleep near the server room while waiting for a software installation. And then, in the afternoon, I heard this song playing from someone's computer:

I'm Missing You (Meja)

I miss your love, since you've been gone
I find it hard to go on
The summer sky don't mean a thing
I thought I'd always be strong
I got a feeling inside
and it's making my heart cry, cause

I'm missing you
and it's making me blue, yeah
I'm missing you
but what can I do
Thousand miles away, from you

So here I am, and everything's new
I should be happy in love
but all I know, I look deep in my eyes
I've never felt so alone
and this feeling inside
it's making my heart cry, cause

I'm missing you
and it's making me blue, yeah
I'm missing you
but what can I do
Thousand miles away, from you

So what's the meaning of this
to be living like this
it ain't no fun at all
I wonder where are you now

I miss your love since you been gone
I find it hard to go on
and this feeling inside
I just break down and cry

which totally remind me of myself and him. I went straight to google and search for the song and the lyric. Can't stop listening afterwards!

OMG, this home alone thing is driving me crazy!!!

terus terang yah... gue capek banget sama kerjaan ini. pengeeen banget rasanya melakukan suatu kerjaan passionately. my current job definitely not satisfy this condition. and again, for me it's just a JOB, i couldn't force myself to believe that it's my CAREER.
i'm so f*cking tired with the work, with the people, with the management, with the office. i hate working here.
BUT...
i need the money, right?
hh, i'm so pathetic. if only i can do SOMETHING. i want to build my OWN business empire. starts with small thing first, of course. i just need COURAGE, SUPPORT, and ASSETS. hmm, the last one is one of the reason why i'm still holding on to my current job. where can i make more money to begin my own business?

hari ini gw berhasil menjual 8 jilbab & 1 rok! alhamdulillah... untunglah sabtu kmrn gw menambah stok bbrp pasang jilbab & rok lg dr ladhisa. jadi terpikir, kira2 kl gw jg kursus fashion gmn ya? td sempet cari info ke esmod & susan budihardjo fashion school. ternyata costly yah :( dan jadwalnya jg gak masuk buat yg kerja ky gw. msh mencari identitas diri nih. is fashion my passion?

hari ini dagangan gue laris maniiss....
senangnya. baru kali ini gue bawa barang dagangan ke kantor, dan hasilnya alhamdulillah, lumayan... :)
triknya supaya laris, kasih diskon... :P gpp lah narik customer dulu... semoga mereka puas. sukur2 bisa balik lagi belanja sama gue (amiin).
alhamdulillah, sabtu besok Insya Allah ke taman mini lagi nambahin stok, soalnya ada pesanan khusus, jadi gue mesti ngambil lagi ke produsennya.
semoga lancar & berkembang usahaku ini ya Allah...